modernnerd:

‘What cereal’s best for fighting?’

‘Fighting?’ I replied. I’d probably misheard him. He’d said writing. Or kiting. That was it. The scars on his forearms were from kiting mishaps, I assured myself. It made sense now. This would all work out fine.

‘Fighting,’ he said again. ‘Lots of fighting.’ I considered whether or not corn flakes would prove effective in preventing his fist reaching my face, should it come to that. Then I offered him my best advice.

‘You want porridge,’ I said. ‘Cheap; simple; full of slow-release carbs. Porridge is proper fighting food. Every Scotsman knows that.’